Often, when you are on the spirtual path, there is a war going on between the person you once were and the person you are becoming. Some call it "patterns" others "habit"
The old you , the one who helped you survive , the one that was there for you in rough times is going to fight to stay alive. The old you knows your secrets and your histroy. The old you knows your defence mechanisms , what you will do when your buttons get pushed and exactly where your weakness lie. The old you wants to stay in control . The old you has home court advantage.
The new you, the spiritually conscious spirtually grounded you is fumbling around trying to figure out what works now. It is the part of you that has yet to be proven. You may believe strongly you may want deeply to change and for newfound identity to emerge. But the new you is not sure it will work.
It is there in that glimmer of doubt that the old you goes to work. It nags you. It challenges you. It is called self doubt and lame excuses. It looks like not having time to pray, to meditate and not being able to figure out how praying and having fun are going to put food on the table. The new you views prolblems as challenges, knowing that with every problem comes a solution, the escape, the way out. The new you is willing to confront challenges and wants to do so in a spiritually grounded way.
When however the new you is backed into a wall, it will, out of habit, burrow from the old you. The instant the burrowing occurs, the new you is rendered dead- even if only for a moment. The challenge is that when the new you is bought back into focus there is probably a pile of old crap that needs to be cleaned up.
I have learned the hard way that you must be disciplined, vigilant and obedient about the practices that will build your spiritual muscles and put the old you to rest !!!!
Excerpt from "YESTERDAY I CRIED" by Iyania Vanzant
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